How to Build Trust in a Relationship: Simple Every Day Steps
Have you ever found yourself in the middle of the same argument, with the same result, again and again? It’s hard to trust someone when you feel like they don’t have your best interests at heart. How do you move past this feeling and stop assuming the worst about them? You may be assigning negative motives to their actions—motives you wouldn’t want someone to think you have. So, how do you build trust in a relationship?
Listen to the Heart Message
Sometimes, when things are tense, it's helpful to step back and listen carefully to the message behind what the other person is saying. Maybe you need to pray about it or talk it through with someone you trust. If it’s an issue you've discussed before, try to understand that their actions come from a place of care. For example, you might realize they’re trying to help you have better relationships with your family. By understanding their heart, you can feel safer and open up more about your thoughts and feelings. It might even help you discover one small change to make that will improve your relationship.
Focus on the Positive
Instead of focusing on what went wrong, try focusing on the things your partner has done right. Look for moments when they’ve met your needs or supported you. A simple exercise to build trust is to notice when someone does something kind or helpful. Then, share how you felt about it. For example, you might say, "I really felt loved when you helped me with that task today," or "I felt valued when you noticed something I did well." Complimenting their actions helps create a positive environment and reminds both of you of the good in the relationship.
Be Playful – Don’t Take Yourself Too Seriously
This might be a tough one if you come from a family that was very serious, but humor and playfulness can go a long way in building trust. If you’ve ever been told to “lighten up” or feel like you tend to frown more than smile, try to embrace moments of joy. Trust is built not just on serious conversations, but on light-hearted moments too. Relationships need fun, especially if you want intimacy. Sometimes intimacy simply means being heard and understood. Take the pressure off yourself and trust that God’s plan is good. When life gets heavy, remember that Jesus said, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”
Practice Gratitude
Gratitude is a powerful tool in any relationship. It’s hard to feel negative emotions when you’re focusing on what you're thankful for. Try keeping a gratitude journal to remind yourself of the good things in your life. Some prompts to get you started:
What did you hear from God this morning during your quiet time?
What promises or gifts from God keep you going?
What’s something someone said recently that made you smile?
What’s a hobby or activity you enjoyed this week?
What is your favorite memory with your loved one?
What simple things in your life bring you joy?
Focusing on gratitude can shift your mindset and improve the way you connect with others.
Relinquish Control
Trying to control everything doesn’t give you peace—it actually causes more stress. If you find yourself refusing to accept blame, being unpredictable, always needing to control finances or other people’s behavior, it could be a sign that you don’t fully trust the people around you. Control often comes from fear or anxiety, and it can prevent you from building the trust you need in a relationship.
The first step in building trust is admitting that you can’t control everything. Relinquishing control means letting go of the need to always have things your way. It’s okay to be vulnerable and admit when you make mistakes. Building trust requires you to change yourself instead of expecting others to change. Let people be who they are, and trust that God is in control of the bigger picture.
Final Thoughts on Building Trust
Building trust is a journey, and it requires effort from both sides. By listening, focusing on the positive, being playful, practicing gratitude, and letting go of control, you can create a deeper, more trusting connection with the people in your life. For more relationship support, call your Christian counselor in Denver at 720-577-5571 or schedule a free 15 minute consultation.
