The Steps to Connection: Authentic Acceptance of Your Adult Children

Strengthening Your Relationship with Your Adult Children

Building a strong, healthy relationship with your adult children can be a rewarding experience. As you enter this new phase of family life, it's important to approach it with care, open communication, and mutual respect. You are no longer just their parent but also a co-collaborator on what family life looks like. Here are some tips to help strengthen your bond with your adult children.

Recognize Your New Role

Be mindful of the fact that you’re new to this stage of life. Being parents to adult children is different from when they were younger. Let your children know that you’re still figuring out this dynamic. Instead of imposing your dreams or expectations on them, ask questions and listen to their needs. Acknowledge that you both are navigating this new chapter together.

How Much Involvement is Too Much?

It’s easy to either give your adult children too much space or try to be overly involved. Instead of assuming, ask them how much closeness they want. A simple question like, “Do you want more distance or closeness?” can help set healthy boundaries. Respect their schedule, as they likely have busy lives with work, social activities, and other commitments. Make sure you’re considerate of their time and don't drop by unexpectedly unless they’ve agreed to that kind of relationship.

Start Early: Build a Foundation of Friendship

You don’t have to wait until they’re grown to build a friendly relationship. During their growing-up years, treat your children with the same kind of friendliness you would with your friends. Create a home atmosphere where everyone can enjoy each other’s company. Spend time with each child individually—whether it’s a meal, a fun outing, or a special event. These moments will build a strong foundation of friendship that can carry into adulthood.

Show Respect for Their Independence

As your children grow older, it’s important to show them respect for their independence and decisions. Don’t just ask what they’re doing or where they’re going—go deeper. Ask how they’re feeling or what they’re thinking. This shows you care about who they are as individuals. Encourage their growth and be a source of support, not criticism.

Hospitality and Encouragement Go a Long Way

Creating a welcoming environment for your adult children is a great way to show love and respect. When they visit, make an extra effort to make them feel comfortable. This could be setting a nice table for dinner, cooking their favorite meal, or just making the effort to spend quality time with them. The Bible reminds us that we should take care of our family, especially those in our own household (1 Timothy 5:8). Show hospitality and encouragement through your actions.

Avoid Criticism: Offer Acceptance

Instead of focusing on what you might not agree on, focus on expressing love and acceptance. Let your adult children know you respect the person they’re becoming. Encourage them by highlighting the positive traits that reflect who they are in Christ. Remind them that you love them because God loves them. Your understanding and acceptance will make a big difference in their lives.

Let Go of Control

As parents, it can be hard to let go of control, but it’s important to recognize what you can’t change. Make a list of things that are outside of your control and let them go. This will help you focus on what you can influence—your relationship with your children.

In Conclusion

By following these steps, you’ll be on your way to building a strong, enjoyable relationship with your adult children. A mature, healthy relationship is one where both sides respect each other’s independence while still maintaining a close and supportive bond. With love, understanding, and a little patience, you’ll enjoy a deeper connection with your grown children.