From Acquaintances to Best Friends: Steps to Deepen Your Connections
So, you’ve met some great people and want to become closer friends with one or two of them. When you first meet someone new, it’s easy to assume they like you. This confidence can make you warmer and more approachable. It’s called the "acceptance prophecy" (Stinson, D. A., et al., Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 2009). The more you believe others like you, the more likely it is that you’ll build meaningful relationships.
Building Intimate Friendships
The goal in friendship is often intimacy—a deep connection that brings people closer. As the saying goes, "Without intimacy, the soul goes starving" (Soul Mates). Sometimes, a friend will share something personal that requires your discretion. Keeping their confidence is important, and it’s one of the things that make friendships valuable.
To build stronger friendships, connect with people who share similar values, hobbies, and interests. It’s important to really listen and understand what the other person is saying. Being a good listener is key to developing a meaningful relationship.
Be Prompt and Present
Responding quickly to messages or calls is a great way to show you care. Studies show that people feel more connected to those who reply quickly (PNAS, 2022). If you have a disagreement with a friend, don’t ghost them. Instead, reach out through a call, a text, or even a face-to-face conversation. If you need time to think, writing a letter can help clarify your thoughts. Imagine how the other person might feel when they read it. If sending a letter will help keep your relationship strong, go ahead and send it. If it might cause problems, rewrite it until you feel good about what you’re saying.
Consistency is Key
Friendships take time and effort. Sometimes, you may feel drained or like you're not making progress with certain relationships. If you feel stuck, try meeting new people or joining new groups where you might find the connections you’re looking for. It’s okay to step outside your usual circle to find more meaningful relationships.
Avoid Alcohol as a Social Crutch
Alcohol can sometimes lower your inhibitions and lead to impulsive decisions. It’s not a safe way to try to connect with others. If you’re at a gathering and want to enjoy a drink, try just a small amount, like half a glass of wine or a beer. This can help you stay present for meaningful conversations without overdoing it.
Spiritual Support in Tough Times
If you’re going through a tough time and feeling disconnected, remember that there is someone who is always there for you. God offers His love and support, even when you can’t physically touch, see, or hear Him. He promises to be present; He is always faithful. If you draw near to Him, He promises to draw near to you.
Being honest with yourself is crucial. How can you dismiss an amazing being you don’t know? To learn more about God and build a connection with Him, try reading the Bible, listening to others who share their faith, or talking to people who are also seeking Him. Consider visiting different churches and finding one that feels like a good fit, where you can grow in faith and make new connections.
Cultivating Deeper Friendships
Friendships grow best when there's no pressure. Shallow interactions can lead to medium-level intimacy, like in small groups, and eventually deepen into more meaningful relationships. But remember, deep friendships require "devoted tending" (Moore). This means putting in effort and care to keep the connection strong over time.
By approaching friendships with honesty, patience, and a willingness to grow, you can build lasting and meaningful relationships.
Call 720-577-5571 to schedule a free 15-minute consult with your Christian counselor in Denver.
References:
https://www.apa.org/monitor/2023/06/making-and-keeping-friends
Moore, Thomas (1994). Soul Mates: Honoring the Mysteries of Love and Friendship. NYC, NY: Harper Collins Publising.l
