Unemployed: Asking for help?
Dear readers, this has been in the works since Christmastime for me. It all started with a long-postponed (28 years) visit to my brother’s house. We had a lot of history - many good and some hard things to catch up on. Some of it was literally family history. Documents and pics from 3 or more generations back in Central Europe, Ukraine and Russia.
In one of our conversations, my brother mentioned how some people have a hard time asking for help when I had just thanked him for an offer he made many years ago to pommel the person who after many lies had lured me to Ireland, and at that point was beginning to scare me. I was a bit stranded. I had declined because it seemed to be an inflammatory solution. Now that I think about it again, it was a good decision. Probably I was just being ingratiating to my brother because it was the holidays.
Foolishly I took my brother at his word and asked him for help on behalf of my son early this spring. The answer was something to the effect of - good luck with that. After that episode, I journaled out my anger quite a bit on the topic of asking for help but never put it out there. It may be something to think about if someone asks you for help.
This brings me to the reasons that I am and I am certain some others very rarely ask for help.
The person you ask can not even conceive that one day they may be in the same situation and need your help. They give advice in a condescending or annoyed tone telling you what you already know and have tried.
They consider you a burden. Feel the “judgment vibes” from that person.
They brush you off and tell you - what goes around comes around. Hmmmmm, that person seriously needs to think about what they just said.
They tell you - I’ll help you just this once. They fear you will become a leech.
They can’t seem to have enough money themselves even if they already own two new cars, two homes, take vacations every year, eat out all the time and are living the life. Greed means they will never be content with what they have, and they certainly don’t want to share it.
What to do?
Do not take these things personally - even if that person is a parent or sibling. Hard not to do, but obviously they have their issues. Love people, use things (i.e. money) is a simple way to put priorities straight.
There has got to be someone around who enjoys giving and sharing! I say yes. I hope these will help you if you are feeling you have run out of housing options. After you’ve tried your friends and FOO (family of origin) or extended family (then feel better a few days after the rejections):
One quick resource is an app called Strapped, something like dialing 311 for social services, but the organizations may be quicker on their feet.
There are many, many non-profits, especially in Denver, who are willing to help tide you over with food.
Talk to your landlord and see if you can sublet or get another person on your lease to share the load.
Turn in your 30 days notice to your landlord before you get evicted.
Put your stuff in storage and rent a room for a while, maybe from a friend.
Drive Lyft?
For temporary housing, maybe leaving for a warm state and car camping in a National Park is the best and only solution if it’s allowed. There are parks where that’s definitely not ok.
Some people are living in storage units or sheds - the heated ones.
The tiny home community in Denver - https://belovedcommunityvillage.wordpress.com/
Take care of yourself . . .
please take time to drink plenty of water, exercise and get some good sleep. You are the one that can best take care of your needs because you know what they are. Take one day at a time. There is a God who is in control and He does care for you. You are not alone. There are also others in the same boat. Helping someone else with the skills you have maybe the place to go to avoid drowning in self-pity. Of course - with a quarantine, you may have to do it via remote means. You may have nothing to gain or lose, that’s good. It will ground you in a sense of your humanity and also tap into the source of all love - God.
Please feel free to contact me at tania@comehome-llc.com. The least I can do is pray your name and appeal on your behalf. One of the Holy Spirit’s names is the Helper. He cannot deny who He is and He is standing by willing and able when you are crying out for help.
