Prodigals . . .

I have been with you since before you were born, but we haven't lived together since just before you turned eighteen. I so miss you.

The times you have caught me staring at you, I am trying to “see you” - to some bits of the lovely, sweet, thoughtful, forgiving, humble, kind, patient, creative, social, free and alive person you were. It has felt more and more like I am walking into darkness and "I can't see you!"

I think about the old king who has been mesmerized by the Dark Lord Sauron in Lord of the Rings - he's looking dead and acting like he's in a fog. When I’m with you I wonder where is the alive you? It feels like the you I knew has almost disappeared. Please don't take my words as critical or judging, I just want you back. I can't see you.

Yes, I am a Christian, and I have been very conscious of maintaining integrity especially when I am about to walk the other way - not God’s Way. It has been a battle that sometimes I win, other times not. I am sincere in my faith. In two turning points in my life I stopped going to church and even stopped confessing to be a Christian. I didn’t want to make God look bad.

I praise Him that He took me back. He is merciful and faithful. I am redeemed and in an "already, but not yet" state. The Father sees me in Christ - Christ is the one that has made me acceptable. At the same time I am being transformed bit-by-bit. No surprise to anyone, I am a sinner. That's why I need the Lord Jesus Christ to approach the throne of mercy and grace.

Sometimes I feel scared when I see you leaving the Way, ready to step off the curb into oncoming traffic. It is hard to stop myself from speaking a warning. I can not remain silent. Do you get what I am saying my dear?

From now on - as you wish.

I will remain silent about my God and my worldview and my spiritual journey. After your text what makes you think that I would want to talk to you about these things that are closest to my heart? I don't want you speaking into my life either; I need more time.