Embracing Grace: Christian Counseling as a Path to Self-Forgiveness
What is forgiveness?
Forgiveness is acknowledging the wrong and choosing to not hold it against someone. You may not have a relationship with that person anymore, but you have set yourself free from the past.
See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. Heb 12.15
You have set yourself free from a defiled way of relating to the person who wounded you. The door has been opened to the possibility of a healthy relationship. You can do the same thing by forgiving yourself. Having a clean conscience, with yourself, makes you better able to love God and others.
What do I need forgiveness for?
Sin is a messy word in a culture foreign to Christianity. To start with a word-picture of sin in the Bible is that of an archer missing the bullseye on a target. We have all missed the bullseye of God’s perfection. Our knowledge, strength, will and wisdom to live holy lives (set apart for God) are limited in so many ways. In Genesis and the other Books of the Law the “hedges” for living God’s way are described. God’s ways and thoughts are much higher than our thoughts and ways. It is written
“for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” Rm 3.23
What does the Bible say about forgiveness for sins?
The Old Testament the sacrificial system (old covenant) and God’s grace were the means for covering sins. We see God’s grace in the New Testament through the sacrifice of Jesus (God’s Son and God himself). Often during his life, Jesus forgave people before or after He encountered them (new covenant).
Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”
“No one, sir,” she said. “Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.” Jn 8.10-11
“In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace.” Eph 1.7
“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” I Jn 1.9
Reasons to forgive.
To gain spiritual freedom for yourself and for your neighbor is the ultimate reason to forgive. What you bind on earth is bound in Heaven, in the same way what you set free on earth is set free in Heaven. Jesus and disciples understand this principle ( Mt 18.18). Disciples were taught how to relate to those who received the Good News of Jesus’s substitutionary sacrifice for the forgiveness of our sins. God’s plan was and is forgiveness to all who believed.
“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Col 3.13
“But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Mt 6.15
Lord’s prayer - when we say “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass (our boundaries) against us,” we are doing so with the understanding that “if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.” Mt 6.14
“Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them.” Lk 17.4
In the parable of the jailor, you can see how when you don’t forgive from your heart, you may be stuck in the jail of unforgiveness (Mt 18.18). Forgiveness requires the humility to see you have areas that God is working on too. It’s good to recognize that you have been forgiven a great deal by the One whose desire for us is perfect holiness.
Reasons to forgive yourself.
You’re probably reading this because you have regrets that you can’t seem to get past. It seems to be true for people with high standards or a close relationship with God that’s been shattered by some bad decisions. How can you give yourself the compassion that God has already promised because of who He is. If you can’t forgive yourself, how can you forgive someone else that has violated God’s Law?
I once heard a pastor say that, according to Jesus’s standards for pure thinking, the pastor had violated every single one of the 10 Commandments. If we are to love God and love our neighbors as ourselves; the presupposition is that we have to accept God’s gift of forgiveness and forgive ourselves. After all His standards are much higher than ours. He has chosen mercy so many times over justice. His actions demonstrate His love for us, His children. HIs justice is played out in Jesus dying in our place.
Embracing grace, the gift of undeserved and complete forgiveness.
Can you forgive yourself or people like God does? Perhaps it’s much easier to forgive yourself and smooth over your own flaws and mistakes.
Forgiveness does not have to be emotional, it’s an act of the will. God commands it. It may be automatic for you. But if not, what if you start practicing forgiveness without analysis? Speak it out loud to yourself in obedience to God’s heart of love. Spoken words have been documented to be powerful in changing people.
You have just chosen to wholeheartedly accept God’s abundantly generous gift of forgiveness. You see yourself through his eyes, a wounded sinner. You take this present and give it to the wounded part of your soul and spirit. Your soul and spirit takes God’s gift while praising and thanking God the Father, the source of all good gifts (James 1).
The cycle of love begins, and the overflow spills out on your neighbor. All those around you will feel the effects of your humble acceptance of God’s unspeakably generous and infinite forgiveness to you, and in reality to all. This is how to open yourself to God’s love. “God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son. For Jesus did not come into the world to condemn the world, but to save it. Jn .16-17.
Get Help with Forgiveness from Your Christian Counselor in Denver
If you are struggling with forgiveness, call your Christian counselor in Denver at 720-577-5985.
