Things to Talk About Before Getting Married: The Big Questions Couples Often Avoid
When you first meet someone and feel that spark, it’s easy to go “all in.” You might think they’re perfect for you, especially if you're both Christians. Maybe you even go to the same church. It can feel like you’re already aligned on all the important things.
But surface-level similarities—like your age, faith background, or even shared hobbies—don’t always mean you're truly on the same page. As a Christian counselor in Denver, I often see couples skip over hard but necessary conversations. Why? Because assumptions feel easier than asking real questions.
If you're in a serious Christian relationship and considering marriage, these questions aren’t just helpful—they’re essential. They can help protect your heart, grow your relationship, and even prevent regrets later on.
Why Assumptions Can Be Risky
Especially in Christian dating, there's a tendency to assume, "They love God, so we must be a good match." But agreeing on church attendance doesn't automatically mean you see eye-to-eye on other issues—like sex, money, family, or even what it means to live out your faith.
Being intentional about communication now can save a lot of heartache down the road. It's not about testing the other person; it's about learning who they really are and how you can build a life together.
Start with the Easy Questions
It helps to start with simple topics and work your way toward the harder ones. Here are some great conversation starters:
What do you believe about God?
How are you involved at church?
How do you practice your faith outside of Sunday service?
Are you more of a saver or a spender?
What social media platforms do you use most?
How do you feel about what I post online?
What’s your vibe around my friends?
These questions help you understand someone’s values and daily life. They also open the door for deeper conversations later.
Moving Toward the Medium-Hard Stuff
Once you're comfortable with the basics, try diving into more personal topics. These can reveal how someone sees their role in a relationship, their lifestyle choices, and their long-term goals:
What does submission look like to you in a relationship?
Are you open to living a lifestyle that’s different from the culture around us—one focused on holiness and Christian values?
How many children do you hope to have?
Would you consider homeschooling?
Do you have any credit card debt?
These conversations might feel awkward at first, but they’re so important. Better to talk now than be surprised later.
Now for the Tough Questions
The hardest questions often bring up past pain or current struggles. But if you’re seriously considering marriage, it’s worth asking:
How do you handle conflict or disagreements?
Are there past romantic relationships that still feel unresolved?
What are your views on sexual intimacy in marriage?
Have you ever tested positive for an STD? If so, were you treated successfully?
These questions require vulnerability and courage. But truth builds trust. Honesty now can lay the foundation for a strong, Christ-centered marriage.
Don’t Wait Until After You Say “I Do”
Many couples delay these talks, hoping love will carry them through. But real love includes accountability, honesty, and wisdom. Taking time to observe your partner’s behavior—especially in conflict—can show you more than just their words.
And while physical affection is natural in dating, it’s easy for emotions to cloud your judgment. If you're serious about finding a lifelong partner, keep your mind and heart clear. Stay sober on dates, and stay grounded in prayer and community.
Being emotionally detached in the early stages doesn’t mean being cold—it means being wise. Stay alert. Take things slow. Ask hard questions. And listen to the answers.
Want Support From a Christian Counselor in Denver?
Looking for a marriage partner is a big deal. If you want support in asking the right questions, working through tough topics, or healing past wounds, I’d love to help. As a Christian counselor in Denver, I provide a safe, compassionate space for singles and couples who want to build lasting relationships rooted in faith and love.
📞 Call 720-577-5571 or schedule a free 15-minute consultation to learn more.
Let’s work together to help you prepare well—and love wisely.
