Dear Single Parents
During the holiday season, you experience a strong draw to get signed up on the latest dating app or christiancrush.com. Family seems like the last place you are going to get a listening ear and the affection or approval you desire. Your children may be spending part or all of Christmas with your ex-spouse; leaving you calling friends to see whether they have plans. Somehow the holidays are different every year, sounds hard for a time of year when traditions are so important. Still, Christmas seems to be the time for a new romance.
Use wisdom. Start with a topical search, such as marriage, in God’s Word and talk to the LORD before starting this new endeavor. Then if and when you feel at peace to move ahead, take a look at the differences between love and infatuation.
Infatuation often begins with physical appearance, common values, interests, goals or experiences. Sometimes, if you are isolated, even a small amount of attention creates attraction. Infatuation can cause loss of appetite or the need for sleep. It can be an emotional roller-coaster. There can be a strong desire or expectation for physical intimacy which tends to complicate the process of sorting through whether the person you are with is someone whom you would want to parent your children.
What appears evident about love is that:
love deepens over time;
values character over appearances;
love focuses on giving and the other person’s needs;
and it works through problems rather than avoiding them.
Moving from an idealized view of the other person to a realistic, unconditional acceptance of their strengths and weaknesses takes time. When children are included, this process is lengthened as parenting becomes a factor in blending families. Remember a lifelong commitment entails being a member of each other’s extended families. Good friends will probably tell you to take a year to really get to know each other.
However, relationship counseling can speed up or enlighten the process by facilitating conversation around many important issues through an individual online assessment for each person, followed by guided sessions together with a facilitator. One goal is to develop conflict resolution and communication skills while the relationship is young and the emotional atmosphere is positive. You can become familiar with the strengths of your relationship, use them to your advantage, and take the growth areas as an opportunity for moving one step emotionally closer to each other. You are more likely to develop a stronger emotional bond and a lasting relationship. Cohabitation is on the increase, but take a look at your motivation and commitment prior to diving in. Commitment, not age, plays a key role according to Dr. Theresa E. DiDonato .
So as it gets closer to Christmas, remember the way God loves you. “Love is patient and kind; it is not jealous or conceited or proud; love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrongs. Love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth. Love never gives up; and its faith, hope, and patience never fail. Love is eternal (I Cor. 13, (Bible – Good News Translation).” May you find God’s true love where He already shows up – perhaps in your children, family of origin, friends, peers and church family this Christmas season as you open your heart to the possibility of a new relationship.
